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(L-R) Bill Lyons, Jessay Martin, Robert Reeves, and Mick Peterson of 'Old Gays' attend the 2022 The Queerties Awards Celebration at EDEN Sunset, March 1, 2022, Los Angeles, California. Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
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The Old Gays Dance Their Way from TikTok to the Bookstore
In an excerpt from their new book, the four seniors from California explain what makes them happy / BY Kim Hughes / December 14th, 2023
It’s rare, but social media influencers can possess both clout and compassion. Meet the Old Gays. In 2018, four California-based senior pals aimed to “connect the older and younger LGBTQ+ generations” with some saucy online video clips, imparting lessons learned during the era when being openly gay was treacherous. The Gays’ alternately kooky and sincere and sometimes intergenerationally clueless bits resonated big time, amassing a combined 11 million TikTok and Instagram followers. Now their collective “240 years of life experience,” has been distilled into a book.
The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life: Lessons Learned About Love and Death, Sex and Sin, and Saving the Best for Last collates the back stories of former bodybuilder Michael “Mick” Peterson, 67; former professional musician Jessay Martin, 70; Bill Lyons, 79, who worked in fashion and interior design; and former city planner Robert Reeves, 80. Nothing is off limits: The quartet’s shared experiences range from strategies for cruising in public toilets to tips for living with HIV (both Peterson and Reeves are positive). Although occasionally scattershot, it’s unsparingly candid, especially as the men recall the 1980s AIDS crisis.
“To me, this book is successful if it connects the older and younger LGBTQ+ generations,” Peterson says in a phone interview from his home in Cathedral City, Calif. “Jessay just wants to spread love. Robert wants to reinforce the importance of finding passion in what you do in life. Bill stresses that young people should be honest with themselves about who they are and act accordingly,” he explains. He hopes readers “will come away with a laugh, a cry, and maybe a warm spot in your heart for each of us.” Job done.
The following excerpt is from the last chapter, titled Happiness: It’s Your Choice, where “the OGs answer one of life’s most asked questions: What makes you happy?”
MICK: Since I turned age fifteen, the one constant that I’ve had in life has been my training. It eliminates stress. I’m so focused. I’m in the moment. My heart rate is up; blood is pumping through my system. For those forty-five minutes, my cares really do evaporate.
BILL: Love makes me feel whole. The happiest I’ve ever been is when I’ve met someone I really like, and they really like me. And all of a sudden, the world is a different place. I joke about how I love falling in love with love. It’s intoxicating. That’s the ultimate happiness. But I love being alone, too. Happiness, to me, can be quality time with Bill where I can just sit back, relax and just really enjoy myself and not worry and not think about anything at all. Also, happiness to me is a good book.
JESSAY: My secret to happiness is not allowing anybody to make or break my day. I depend on me. And try to spread the joy. Only you have control over your joy. I got upset a few weeks ago at something and for three days I had a headache. But the anger was at myself for allowing something to take me there. I don’t like to go there.
My biggest time of happiness is when I am not working and I’m actually getting to hang out with friends. That just makes my day, laughing and catching up. Another thing that makes me happy is right here in my heart. I talk to my mom a lot. I know she’s no longer with us and she’s not going to talk back, but it helps me. We were really close, and while she’s been dead eleven years, she lives on brightly, right here in my heart.
ROBERT: Find something you love to do with your life and be the best that you can be at it. Look within yourself to understand and know who you are. And then be who you are.
BILL: I’ve had a passion for every job I’ve had. I’ve loved everything I’ve done. And that is the greatest happiness in the world. I feel badly for people who are unhappy with their work. I want to say, Then move already! but I know it’s not always so simple and it can be scary to change, even what you don’t like. To that I would encourage everyone to find the courage to change what they can and if they can’t change their situation, to try to change their experience of it.
ROBERT: I don’t think a lot of people really grasp how much control they have over their lives and how powerful they can be if they simply harness what’s within them. And you’ve heard it from different people: half the job is just showing up. And if you decide you want to change the system, all you have to do is show up at some meeting, start speaking your mind, and you’re going to find yourself moving up in that world, and you can become a truly powerful person.
From the book: The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life by Mick Peterson, Bill Lyons, et al. Copyright © 2023 by Mick Peterson, Bill Lyons, et al. Printed courtesy of Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.