Relationships & Romance: Same-Sex Sizzle


When it comes to keeping the love alive in the bedroom, gay couples over 45 have some definite advantages over their straight counterparts, thanks to a rich and colourful cultural (and subcultural) history. This demographic is fun loving proof that sexuality doesn’t take a nosedive after you say, “I do.” “Senior gay men still have a good sex drive and are in relationships, or looking for a companion versus looking for a quickie,” says Rainbow Health Ontario education co-ordinator Devan Nambiar. “The goal is to experience love and intimacy in the senior years.” But some lesbians, much like their straight sisters,
are looking to expand their horizons at this stage in their lives.

“I’ve seen at least two of my older-than-me ‘lesbionic’ friends change partners in the last little bit,” says comedian Maggie Cassella, “They appear to be as busy as bunnies.” John Thornton, chair of PinkCARP, believes that you can find love at any age. “I have a friend who recently decided to explore his sexuality — at 80,” he says. “He suppressed his desires for almost 60 years. I asked him how the sex was, and he said, ‘It was my first time, and I felt like I was a teenager again. I finally feel whole and now know who I am.’ “Here are a few ways to learn a thing or
two from the LGBT set.


Please forgive the stereotype, but going to the gym is an international gay pastime and not necessarily reserved for the younger set — or just the males, for that matter. Fit bodies make more agile lovers no matter what the age. And for the physical stamina sex often requires, you may need all the prep you can get.


Accoutrements are a regular part of gay sex. Lisa Pawson from The Stag Shop in Toronto says gay men over 50 are more open and understanding of sexual aids and substantially less judgmental than younger men. “Having been around for the pre-HIV days, and the fallout from that, this group is typically more concerned about playing safely and responsibly, taking a more serious approach to our products,” she says.

Blame hours of dog-earred homo pulp fiction under the covers with a flashlight for the “gift” of being able to act out fantasies. Everyone from the buttoned-down queers to the butched-up lesbians are well acquainted with the novelty of gay erotica. Role playing allows you to transport you and your partner into truck cabs, pool cabanas, hay lofts, massage parlours and the like. Heteros are still stuck on the French maid outfits. Yawn. And pornography is a readily accepted part of gay culture — right there on the TV room shelves for all to see.


Homosexuals didn’t invent the orgy, but they are less likely to be offended by the thought of a threesome, even at an advanced age. Indeed, an invited guest– and the strictest adherence to safe sex– has helped more than a few gay couples stay interested in sex and one other. “Been together 20 years?” asks Cassella.
“Go get yourselves a new something or other. I’m not just talking toys here. I’m talking an actual 2 something. Okay, I’m kidding — or am I?” If you’re game for bringing sexy back, try one or all the above. We wanna hear those bodies talking.

Doug Wallace